


Alive

by Eny



Category: GOT7, 드림나이트 | Dream Knight (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, a lot of crying, but it's not really /that/ sad, just read it i worked hard on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 15:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7807918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eny/pseuds/Eny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dream Knight AU</p><p>They all had found reason to live, and the reason wasn't her. </p><p>But, in the end, they knew they would have to give everything for her.</p><p>Mark didn't like it, but he couldn't do anything about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why... why would you die for her?"

Bambam's voice was soft, unusually so. Even as it echoed through the empty underpass, littered with graffiti and wheel marks, it sounded smaller than it ever had. Mark could feel the air harden around them as they both fell silent. 

They were sitting together, against one of the many walls. Bambam's bicycle on its bars and seat upside down a few feet away, Mark's board resting beside them. 

It was cold, and they both were shivering, but it was okay. They had had fun. Mark had never felt so much happiness before. He allowed himself to _let go_ and he never wanted to back to how it had been before. 

The girl they were alive to serve wasn't what Mark would call the best. She yelled and cried and really only had eyes for Jaebum. Yet, Mark had stayed true to her. Even though she threw them out, forgot about them, and probably didn't grasp their situation at all, Mark stayed with her- for her. 

Meeting Jinyoung and Yugyeom and Bambam... Meeting them made things better. When they danced, he felt a spark. Now, every time he saw Bambam, it returned. 

Bambam took him, showed him how to live. Mark was so grateful. 

That night, he had gone back to her with lead feet and laid between Jackson and Youngjae with empty dreams. That night, he looked up at the stars with sadness and thoughts of what Bambam had said. 

He didn't want to die. 

He had tasted what his life could be like. He didn't want it to end. 

 

When Jaebum confronted them, they all knew what they wanted. Mark could see it in their eyes. They had found reason to live too, and the reason wasn't her.  

He didn't want her to die, he couldn't imagine it, but he didn't want himself to die and he didn't want his family to die either. Even after pulling his hair out, he knew what his decision would be. He wanted to live. 

He had noticed Jinyoung and the rest of GOT standing there, watching them beat each other up, but Mark didn't mind. At one point, his eyes caught Jinyoung's. He couldn't name the emotion swimming in them, and he couldn't understand why he was doing this to them, but he didn't need to. 

 

In the morning, after they had watched her walk away without them, Jaebum came to them again. 

Jaebum pleaded his point, and Mark knew he had struck a nerve in everyone around, even Jinyoung, who hadn't even tried to hide from them. 

Jaebum was willing to die for her, willing to give up his life for hers. 

Mark understood, but he really, really didn't want to. 

He left Jaebum and walked with Jackson and Youngjae until they found themselves laying under a cool tree. The sky was a stale blue, littered with nearly invisible clouds. The sun was out, almost right above them, bright and relentless. 

All around them, people were living. The girls chatting with their phones in their pockets and arms linked with each other's, the older student walking with a loaded bag on his back and a coffee in his hand, the three kids running around with sticks and hiding behind thin water fountains as though they couldn't be seen, even the grey haired elders, resting on a bench talking to each other with beautifully aged smiles that sunk into their skin, a picture of lifelong stresses gone away with the presence of their friends. 

Each and every one of them were living, and they had been living since they came to this world. They all had their own stories. They all had their own reasons for being where they were and they all could decide what they would do next. Nobody could control them, nobody could make them come and go. They were free. 

Mark only wished he was as lucky. 

He could tell the others were thinking the same things. Youngjae was sitting against the trunk of the tree, trying not to look cross as he watched a small white puppy play with its young owner. 

"I need to see someone." Jackson stated, voice barely above a whisper. Mark nodded and knew Youngjae did the same. 

Jackson dusted himself off and gave the two a weak smile before going on his way. 

Mark and Youngjae settled back, as comfortable as they could be, allowing themselves to witness the world around them. 

What seems like hours pass like this,  both just sitting together, until Youngjae breaks the silence. 

"It was the most beautiful thing..." He sighed, looking down into his lap and playing with the headphones he had taken off his neck. 

"I could feel myself filling up... like there was warm air being pumped into my chest..."

Mark only nodded. He had felt the same thing. All he wanted was to be with Bambam again, like he had been only days ago. But he wasn't sure it would be the same. With what he knows now, nothing would be the same. 

Youngjae was quiet for a second, starting and stopping his words like he didn't know how to say them, making Mark glance towards him. 

His breath caught in his throat at the sight. The usually cool headed Youngjae had tears welling. Their eyes met and Youngjae instanly looked back down. 

"it's not fair..." He finally pushed out, voice cracking. 

"why do I have to leave? _Why,  hyung?"_

Mark didn't know why. He really didn't know. 

All he could do was wrap his arms around the boy until he stopped crying. 

 

Days pass like a blur. 

Mark got to meet the pink haired girl Jackson constantly talked about, and ended up spending the entire day with her along with Jackson and Youngjae. He could see how much Jackson admired her, and how she admired Jackson. She had told them how much she looked forward to becoming their friend, how she couldn't wait to spend time with them more in the future. 

He pretended not to hear the quiet sobs Jackson made that night. 

Mark also got to listen to Youngjae play the piano and was amazed at the younger boy's talent. He had so much potential, he was already so great. 

Mark had to bite his lip as he sat there, listening to the soft sounds drifting above his head. Youngjae wouldn't be able to play like this anymore. He wouldn't be able to see the faces of people enjoying his music, wouldn't be able to hear them applauding him. And they wouldn't be able to hear his beautiful songs, they would soon forget about the talented boy without a name, who would play for hours just for them. 

No wonder Youngjae played with all his heart. This might as well be his last time. 

The fact that they would be gone soon never left any of their minds, but they all tried to find happiness. 

Youngjae would play with every dog he came by and would spend his time preforming for whoever would listen. Jackson tried every food he could afford and talked to everyone who would give him time. Mark found out that he was as content as he could be just riding around town on his skateboard, watching as people he would never see again pass him by. 

They all had started spending more time with Yugyeom and Bambam, and Mark could tell how close Youngjae had grown to the taller boy. 

The two of them would disappear into the night, not to come back until everyone was either asleep or waking up, both with joyful smiles and breathes hard, both smelling like street food and sweat. 

Soon enough, whenever Bambam and Yugyeom could be seen arriving, Mark would notice Youngjae's entire face brightening up. Mark couldn't help but chuckle. 

It was heartbreaking. 

 


	2. One Sweet Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't happen in the drama.  
> This is originally what I had planned to write, but it did not happen in the drama.   
> Sorry for changing it a little, but yeah. Fanfiction amirite

_It was a clear Thursday night when Bambam let Mark try to trick on his bike while Mark let him ride around on his board. When Mark accidentally fell and scratched the frame, Bambam brushed it off as though it wasn't important- as though that bicycle wasn't the reason he was alive._

 

\- - - 

 

Before he knew it, the day had finally come. 

The day before the dance competition.

Better known as the day they had to leave... forever. 

They all woke up with sullen faces and looked at each other with sad eyes, but what could they do? What could they do?

Jackson was the first to go, after finishing their last breakfast together, stating that he had to 'go see her'. He had tried to keep a straight face as he changed into his favorite clothes, but it was hard to keep the sorrow away. Mark and Youngjae gave him hugs before he set off, Mark giving him a tight squeeze. He couldn't imagine how hard this was for Jackson. Or, at least, he wish he couldn't. 

Youngjae was next in leaving. He mentioned offhandedly how he might as well sing more. Mark knew he was going to find Yugyeom. 

Mark certainly wasn't going to spend his day moping around, but he didn't know what to do. He really didn't. 

That is, until a now familiar orange bicycle came riding by with a now too familiar rider.

Bambam had a smile on his face, like today was a regular day, but Mark could tell it was forced. 

Together, they rode into town, trying to joke around and keep the atmosphere light, but they both gave up soon enough. They couldn't ignore the impending reality. 

As they walked down the street together, wheels being pushed and carried instead of ridden, Bambam suggested they go to the arcade or to the river or anywhere Mark wanted. Mark didn't care. 

"As long as I'm with you."

Bambam couldn't look at him for a while after that. 

They ended up at GOT's dorm, in Bambam's room. Mark looked around and picked up random items, asking about them and listening to Bambam speak. He sat himself on Bambam's bed and let Bambam talk about everything he found from being an idol, being alive. Bambam went on and on, never tiring of the subjects he would find himself on. 

Mark could listen to him talk forever. 

Bambam lost himself in his stories, eyes bright and smile wide... Until his gaze met Mark's. He faltered and his voice reduced to nothing. Mark kept on smiling, gently, lovingly, like he had been the entire time. 

Mark quickly found Bambam on his lap, the younger boy throwing himself at Mark. His arms were wrapped around him and his face buried itself into Mark's neck. 

Mark hugged him in return, rubbing his back comfortingly, whispering in his ear words which only broke him. Soon, all Mark could hear were the boy's wails. 

 

They spend hours curled around each other and, honestly, Mark wouldn't have it any other way. 

They didn't speak, they just looked. Their eyes scanning each other in the warm light seeping from the open window. 

Bambam was busy taking in the sight of Mark, and Mark could feel his heart burning. A hand came to rest on his cheek and Mark clutched it in his own. 

The taste of Bambam on his lips was sweeter than any lollipop in the world, softer than any cloud. 

Mark pulled the boy closer, breaking their kiss to rest his forehead against the other's. Bambam's arms never left him and seemed only to grip tighter.

" _Don't leave me."_  


Mark could feel Bambam's tears wetting his skin and could feel the boy shaking once again. 

All Mark could do was kiss the tears away. 

"I love you. I love you so much. More than anything." He whispered, only making things worse. 

"Then why won't you _stay_?"

Mark couldn't answer. All he could do was kiss the tears away. 

 

The sun was red in the sky when he made his last request. 

"One more time."

 

As they leaned against each other, panting and sweaty yet shivering from the cold, Mark couldn't want anything more. 

He saw Bambam thumbing at the scratch Mark had made days ago, looking at it intensely. He was so beautiful. 

"Do you really have to go?" He asked without looking away from the thin blemish on the otherwise generally flawless bike. His voice was desperate, as it had been every single time he asked. Bambam hoped to change his mind again, one last time. 

Mark wanted to say no. He wanted to grab Bambam and say no, he didn't have to go, and hold him tight and make him feel better and just stay. He never wanted to see Bambam cry, never wanted him to feel sadness ever again. He just wanted to see his boy smile. 

Mark ended up saying nothing. 

"...I don't want this to be the only thing... the only thing of you left..." Bambam stopped tracing the scratch to look into Mark's eyes, his own filled with nothing but hopelessness. He knew Mark had to leave, yet he still tried. 

" _I don't want to live without you._ "

 

This time, Mark was the one to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me


	3. This Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read, listen to Got7's This Star/ The Star ;3  
> Preferably with lyrics haha

The last time Bambam saw Mark was the day of the dance competition. 

The last time Bambam was happy was the day of the dance competition. 

All of them took it hard. Jinyoung would visit the girl often, making sure she was okay, and they had become good friends. 

But Yugyeom could barely sleep anymore.

The day after Mark left, Bambam had woken up as thought it was any other day. He didn't remember the fact until he looked at his phone. The wallpaper had been of him and Mark, of course. 

Jinyoung had opened the door to him on the ground, drowning in his own tears. 

Two days after Mark left, Bambam woke up to see Mark's skateboard lying on his floor with a note on it. The girl had given it to him. He had been Mark's only friend. 

A week after Mark left, Bambam went to the park. He didn't take his bike like usual. He took Mark's board. 

It was so quiet. 

When they were together, there would be laughter and yells. Now there was only the sound of his wheels against the cement. 

Bambam sat in _their_  spot and laid his head back against the cold wall. When they were together, the freezing wind never bothered Bambam. Now that he was alone, it was unbearable. 

_How could he manage this?_  It was already so hard. Everything he saw reminded him of Mark. Every time he thought of Mark, he wanted to see Mark. Then, he would remember. 

He could never see Mark. 

Mark was gone. 

_Forever._

He hadn't felt this useless when Jisoo had left. When she was gone, he felt freedom. He felt like he could fly! But now that Mark was gone, he barely had the strength to walk. 

 

A month after Mark left, Bambam wasn't the same. He didn't have the taste for sweets like he used to. He didn't have the heart to go out if it wasn't for the group. Jinyoung and Yugyeom both tried to make him happy, but he knew they both were going through the same things. 

He knew Yugyeom was taking it as hard as he was, maybe worse. He praised the taller boy for being so mature. He knew how much Yugyeom had fallen for Youngjae. He was surprised Yugyeom got onto his feet so fast. It was admirable. 

Though, that didn't mean he couldn't hear Yugyeom from across the wall. 

 

The days were boring. Without Mark, everything was boring. It was as though the life was sucked out of him. He guessed it might as well have been. 

No matter what he did, he couldn't snap himself out of his slump. Nothing worked. 

He had never been in love before. Now he wished he never loved Mark. 

Every night Bambam would dream about Mark, dream about being with him. He dreamed about what they could have been. Waking up wrapped in Mark's warm embrace, kissing his face and neck and hearing Mark's loving chuckle as they curled themselves around each other happily. 

Bambam would jolt into consciousness with a pounding heart, only for it to freeze and crash down. The warm sky replaced by the dark ceiling and the spot next to him remained as empty and cold as it had been since the day Mark left.

The nights he spent sleepless, he would go outside. He would walk to the river and look out at the stars.

He had watched Mark go, had seen him disappear. He and Yugyeom had been looking up at the building Jinyoung entered and saw all of them, speaking words he and Yugyeom couldn't hear. They saw the girl, whose joyful smile could be seen fading as the conversation moved. They saw Mark, Youngjae, and Jackson moving to her, to touch her and hug her before... before they just dissolved... as though they were nothing but dust.

Bambam could still see the small lights floating away, taking their places in the sky. 

Now, here he was, looking into the same sky. 

He leaned against the railing, watching the water move below him and the stars winking above. He would talk to them, telling them about his day as though they could hear. Bambam told himself they could, that they were listening, because he knew... one of those stars was Mark. 

\---

  _The feeling autumn left_

_The chilly wind that hints winter is coming soon_

_I can still feel your warmth_

_So I know fall and winter would be painful_

_The one I loved without a reason_

_Is disappearing_

_Remembering our memories_

_I’ll cherish them_

_My time with you_

_I realized was special_

_I realized was a treasure_

_My love,_

_You’re leaving me now_

_The river reflects off so many stars_

_Among one of them_

_Is a pretty little star_

_This star can get a little close_

_But once it drifts, it’s gone forever_

_Don’t go. I won’t let you go,_

_The playground we used to play at_

_Now makes it even harder to forget you_

_I don’t have courage like the young me_

_who was a warrior_

_Instead of supporting you,_

_I now write lyrics_

"Did you write this?" Jinyoung asked, eyes never leaving the paper Bambam had given him. 

"I did."

\--- 

Six months after Mark had left, Bambam believed everything had gone back to normal. He had focused on his work more than ever before. 

He would still wake from dreams of the older boy, but with time, Bambam had forgotten his voice. The image of Mark was slowly fading into his memory. And, even though Bambam hated it, he knew it probably was for the best. He couldn't continue on with his life always thinking of Mark and nothing else. 

The board Mark had so loved sat, collecting dust, next to Bambam's growing pile of shoes. Bambam had stopped going to the park. 

GOT was doing well, better than they had ever done before. They had come back with new songs, amazing choreography. They had won awards, and appeared in countless of shows. 

Jinyoung was proud of their achievements and never stopped trying to find ways to become greater, but always found time to visit the girl. Yugyeom had thrown himself into dance and soon became famous in his own right. 

Bambam had grown out of the lollipop loving blue haired boy, and turned into this new Bambam. His hair was to its original color and his smile was gone. The media called it 'growing up'. Bambam called it forgetting. 

The song Bambam had written was featured in their latest album. Every time he listened to it, he would remember.

He deleted it from his phone. 


	4. Dreaming

Bambam never woke from dreams anymore. He hasn't had a dream in months, but he was fine with it. He didn't care anymore. He was fine with empty sleep.

 

Mark was the last thing on his mind.

All Bambam had left on him were pictures he couldn't bring himself to delete and that stupid skateboard he couldn't bring himself to throw out.

He didn't dream about Mark, he didn't think about Mark. Mark was just a distant memory. Bambam was fine with it.

 

He walked out of his room with the same bored, tired, uninterested expression he found himself supporting more often than not. He called out to his friends but received nothing but silence. Not always uncommon, but still disheartening.

Yugyeom was a good boy. He would make breakfast with a smile and poke fun at Bambam and Jinyoung’s most recent shortcomings until Jinyoung had him in a headlock.

Bambam wanted him to be around all the time. His best friend always found a way to cheer him up.

There was a note on the counter with Jinyoung’s perfect handwriting, telling Bambam that he was gone for today. Vague, but Bambam didn't care. He shot a text to Yugyeom, but didn't receive an answer.

 _‘That asshat’_ Bambam couldn't help but think as he chuckled as his own thought and tossed his phone onto the nearest couch.

After eating cereal in the strangely comforting quiet, he moved to the living room and turned on the television. He was too bored. Way too bored.

After scrolling through Instagram and Twitter for at least half an hour, he tossed his phone again. Still bored.

He hefted himself up and walked around lazily. Maybe he'd go out? Walk to the convenience store and count how many cameras catch him?

Suddenly, though, something caught his eye.

A short, orange bike, just sitting there against the wall. He moved closer and ran a finger across the frame, picking up thick gray dust. It's been forever since he's touched it. It looked so faded… maybe he should take it out today…

The thought made him shiver. He didn't know why.

He shrugged. What's there to lose? Having nothing else to do, he walked to the kitchen and got a few paper towels. Riding around with a dirty bike never looked good. Bambam always had to look good.

He sat cross legged next to the bike and started wiping. Maybe he _would_ take it out today.

After a minute or two, he felt something under his fingertips. He thought it was just some built up dirt or grime at first, but with better inspection and a little more wiping, he could see it clearly.

… a scratch

  
He felt a hot, fuzzy feeling rise up his neck and he didn't like it. It caught in his throat and he really, _really_ didn't like it.

He could feel himself begin to choke on nothing, tears beginning to form, and he didn't know why.

Until he remembered.

He could feel his breath warm and felt sweat begin to form.

He shakily lifted a finger to touch the old line, resting his thumb onto it. The more he looked at it, the more memories filled his head, the more hot tears flowed down his cheeks.

He remembered riding with _him_ , he remembered the emotions he felt while doing so. He remembered how he felt like he was flying through the sky, how he felt like his heart was trying to explode with every second, how his skin felt so cold but his blood felt like it was burning.

He remembered all of those times sitting down in _their_ spot, talking about what they would do next, what they _could_ do next.

He remembered lying with his love, curled around him and holding him so tight… as though he would be gone as soon as he... let go...

Bambam didn't move to wipe his tears, instead traced the scratch with his thumb over and over, remembering how he did the same on the day before Mark left. Remembering how he begged and begged Mark to stay… not to leave him.

It's been so long since he has seen Mark's breath taking smile. It's been so long since he's had his last kiss. It's been so long since he's truly been happy.

The thought made his vision cloud.

He finished wiping down the bicycle- his bicycle. His amazing, beautiful bicycle. The same bicycle that made him want to become human. The reason he was alive.

It’s been months since he has gone to the park, but nothing seemed to change.

He rode around like he had done a countless number of times.

Before he had met Mark, he would come here alone and bask in the silence. Now that he knew the joy of laughter, it was so hard to enjoy the feeling of the wind in his hair.

Soon, he found himself in the place they had called their own. Everything was as it had been before. Like time hadn't touched it.

Bambam was out of breath when he sat down.

_Mark…_

_It’s been so long…_

Bambam tried to remember Mark. He tried to remember his face… his… his…

why can't he remember his face?

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine him. His dark hair… the mole under his eye…

...which eye?

 

“FUCK!” Bambam yelled out. He couldn't remember!

He put his head in his hands and messed his usually perfect hair up. The guilt was welling in his head and clouding his eyes and he couldn't handle it. How could he forget!

"Mark... WHY CANT I REMEMBER YOU!" He nearly screamed.

"Why… why do you have to do this to me?" His voice began to drop with every word.

"I loved you, Mark. Why did you have to leave me? Why couldn't you have stayed?” He was mumbling to himself now.

“We could have been happy together. We could have lived perfect lives. But you had to just leave me..."

He didn't even know what he was saying anymore, words more like breaths, interrupted by hiccups and sniffs.

Why now? Why was this happening to him now? What had he done to deserve this? Was it Jisoo? Was she getting revenge on him for betraying her?

 

That night, Bambam had a nightmare.

Mark was looking at him with tears in his eyes, moving away and away and Bambam couldn't catch him no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he ran.

He woke up to Jinyoung shaking him, yelling. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of nowhere, i return. hi :')
> 
> idk i dont know why i left this in the dust for a while, but im back and ready to write some more maybe kinda soemwhat idk
> 
> how do you like this chapter?! i was gonna wrap the story up with this one, but decided against it and decided with making it longer and /maybe/ sadder lmao

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me


End file.
